"Urse"

She's toddling along now.  Bright shining eyes and big baby toothed grin, waddling toward me and pointing.  All while chanting "Urse? Uuurrse??"

Some people may say "when they are old enough to ask for it, they are too old".  But I simply disagree.  What a joy for a mother and baby to miss out on.  "Urse" is Fiona's way of asking to nurse.  She'll walk towards me with her chubby legged baby stomp of a walk, pointing and saying "Urse? Uuurse?"  And I melt.

How precious this time is.  How fleeting.  I won't be this needed again for a long time and as she grows, my methods of comforting her with a simple touch and without a word will be more difficult.  For right now, only I can fill that comforting need and I don't mind being on call to do so.

We'll leave out all of the overwhelming evidence supporting extended breastfeeding and just say this:  If it brings you both joy, comfort, and a stronger bond, then forget the rest and listen to your mothering heart.  You're far from alone.

I wish this kind of love for everyone.

Peace In the Labor

"Purpose is found in those quiet moments when no one but God sees the work of your hands" - Darlene Schacht

Recently a Facebook friend posted an article discussing how when raising a family, life is not always about a "fair" work load among the parents.  Now when I had originally read this article I felt indignant.  I understood it to mean: Life is not fair. It's your job, so deal with it and quit whining.  What!?  How dare some random blogger tell me that my feelings/stress/workload are insignificant.  My job is 24/7, no sick days, or vacations.  Although I love my children I strongly dislike laundry, budget making, dishes, cooking and cleaning as a chore. And truth be told, a girl deserves a shower! Hmph.
But then....
I came across this article: Embracing Your Own Cross.  And the title quote struck me:

“If we all threw our crosses in a pile and saw everyone else’s, we’d grab ours back.”

Part of me thinks that it was fated for me to stumble upon both of these on the same day.  I started to rethink my knee jerk reaction to the first article.  Is this my cross? Truly, where is my burden?  Where within myself do I feel the need to fairly balance the daily requirements of my homemaking?  Why do I feel this way?

I assure you my burden is not in my labor, it's in my perspective.

If I have honestly chosen the care and raising of my family as my vocation, my perspective needs tweaking.  No where in the definition of dedication or faithfulness does it mention fairness.  As much as a I had to surrender my body to laboring in childbirth, so I must surrender my spirit to the joyful purpose of my vocation.  In this life and the next the rewards are unparalleled.

"Similarly, older women should behave as befits religious people, with no scandal-mongering and no addiction to wine -- they must be the teachers of right behavior and show younger women how they should love their husbands and love their children, how they must be sensible and chaste, and how to work in their homes, and be gentle, and obey their husbands, so that the message of God is not disgraced." - Titus 2:3-5 

Getting Our Groove Back

Since our newest addition has arrived three weeks ago (it's happening too fast), we've  *I* have been working to settle into our new family dynamic.

I'm no longer a first time mother.  Having confidence in my ability to nurse, soothe, and love a baby makes a huge difference.  Every little baby pimple and odd colored eye booger no longer sends me into a WebMD searching (and calling my mother) tizzy.  However, the second time around comes with a new bag of self doubt.  My main personal issue being: time.

When Isabelle was born she never left my side, she was held skin to skin and napped with. Now that Fiona has arrived I do my best to wear her around the house but some activities with Isabelle require her to be put into her swing.  Sometimes I must change Fiona's diaper or nurse her, things that cannot wait and it leaves me asking Isabelle to be patient.  I guess what I'm trying to say is the issue isn't so much about time as it is about my guilt.

I can juggle with the best of them but this "Mommy guilt" is a very real feeling.  No naps during the day anymore and waking often at night left me feeling like a zombie the for first 2 weeks after giving birth to Fiona, just going through the motions.  I felt guilty about not feeling like I was totally engaged with my parenting but now I am beginning to realize that it was just my body's way of settling in.  The guilt about the transition that happened here in the house is getting better.  Telling myself it wasn't 2 weeks wasted but 2 weeks of adjusting.

Now that I'm feeling more acclimated to our new lifestyle I'm feeling energized about parenting again. I'm starving for warmer weather so I can venture out on my own with the girls.  I'm still having moments of feeling a pull in all directions, not exactly sure how to be two people at once.  But mixed in with all of that are those crazy, silly, dancing, joyful, heart melting, blessed by God moments.  The ones that will forever be ingrained in my mind during this precious fleeting time.  It's a blessing and it fills my spirit looking after my girls but that doesn't always make it easy.

Photo Credit: Jessica at Jessica Faith Photography

Basically, I've decided that we're all new at this new family unit style and I'm going to cut myself some slack.  It's going to take some time but I know my heart and soul lies with this family so it's all going to fall into place.  The current game plan: Thank God, get as much sleep as possible, and hang on tight to the beautiful messy ride we're on!

The Dual Nursery Conundrum

As we inch closer to Fiona's arrival I've been looking back at the past 10 months and everything we've done in preparation.  It's easy to get wrapped up in the household changes, the unpacking of darling clothes saved from Isabelle, and even the assembly of new infant swings and cribs.  Yes, I said new crib, as in another crib purchased.

More important than all of that is the commitment we made once starting our little family - not to rush one child out of childhood simply because we are adding another .  During all of this hustle we have spent hours explaining and including Isabelle in the preparations for the new arrival.  Here is where I may contradict myself: I'm frugal.  I prefer to save where ever we can.  I don't find this to be a flaw but a life skill.  Something along the lines of "here today gone tomorrow".  Those who know this about me were wondering why we would order another crib, when Isabelle could move to a toddler bed and Fiona could use hers.  As a matter of fact, some people think it's silly for us to have prepared and furnished an entirely new nursery.

Well, here's the deal:

Corey and I made the decision to expand this family.  Our choice to do so does not make Isabelle age faster or become less of a baby in our eyes.  We decided that an addition of a new baby does not automatically thrust the older sibling into independence.

We discussed the changes and asked Isabelle what she felt she was ready for.

"Isabelle, you sleep in your crib, right now that's Isabelle's bed.  Would you like a big girl bed?"

"No, I like Isabelle's crib bed."

Done.

"Baby, when Fiona comes she'll be a small baby and will wear diapers.  Mama will have to change her diapers a lot."

"I'll help you!"

"Thank you sweet pea.  Well, Mama got you these big girl undies, would you like to try using the potty like a big girl?"

"Ok!"

 And after a few days of practicing our potty skills...

"Mama, it's too hard."

"Don't worry baby, we'll practice later.  I'm proud of you for trying, such a big girl!"

Done.

I don't subscribe to the baby milestone race.  I'm not impressed by a child that can walk at 9 months or a use the potty before the age of two. Every child is different.  And I will not push or demand more from a child of mine than they are readily willing to try.  I will not rush our first baby, who will always be our baby, out of her comfort zone because we decided to make her an older sister.

So the cribs are assembled and the new nursery painted and ready to go (after Fiona let's us know she's done with her co-sleeper ;-) ).  Isabelle's room has had some renovations as well and she made some executive decisions on the new "look" of her space.  I'm enjoying this magic time of preparing our home and our hearts.  I have one sweet girl caressing my belly, petting my hair, and promising to help take care of Mama; while growing another sweet babe soon to join us.  The way Corey and I have chosen to do things certainly isn't revolutionary.  The idea of letting a baby be a baby or a toddler be a toddler isn't new.  Whenever these little people that we've been blessed with caring for let us know they're ready for bigger and better things we will cheer them on in this bittersweet job of being parents.

My "Only Child"

My darling first born.  My "only child".  My baby Isabelle.

It's hitting home now, that soon my little wiggly belly being will be Earth side and promote my once only child to big sister.

What will happen to our precious one on one time?  The morning, noon, and nighttime snuggles.  Her sweet whispers of "covers Mama" when she wants some sit down time on my lap.  What will come of her coveted space in between Mama and Daddy in our bed?  How will she handle such a change?  As a child who appreciates order during her day, how will this new little person fit in the balance of her toddler world?

Her soon to be sister was dreamed of and prayed for.  After heart aches along the journey to add an addition to our family, Fiona's growing life is a cherished blessing for us.  A much anticipated arrival indeed.  I daydream about welcoming a small nursling back into our lives and watching Isabelle flourish as a big sister.  

I'm not worried about the amount of love we can manage in this household, I know that love multiplies.  But any mother expecting to welcome a new life is allowed a hormonal mixed bag of emotions.

This really is a magic time, I have a new life growing and moving inside of me, a sweet girl who manages to teach me daily, a husband who is just as excited as I am, and a family full of the same love and anticipation that was given during Isabelle's pregnancy.

 I'm looking forward to our new family adventure but I'd be fibbing if I didn't admit that I'm enjoying every precious moment that Isabelle's toddler arms are wrapped around my neck in a quick embrace.  With everything in parenting, these sacred moments are numbered, passing all too quickly.

My precious only child, I adore every moment of being your mother and I thank you for the gift of motherhood.  My teacher in so many things, life, love, faith... my love for you grows every second.  I know you are ready for this journey and I'm honored that your father and I get to share it with you.

Just a Note...

So, I'm not sure about other mothers, but as for me, pregnancy brain is real.  I quickly forget things and I can't tell you how often I've walked into a room or out to the car to do/get something and I can't recall for the life of me what it was.  I'm putting paper towels in the refrigerator and craving Gerber's baby food bananas.  Totally losing it over here.  Thankfully, Isabelle is such a diligent helper, I manage to use her enthusiasm to fuel me throughout the day.  What a blessing she is to me, the Lord really placed just who I needed in my arms the day she was born!

So before I forget here's a thought I've had more than once:

You know the scales where you step up and the nurse slides the big counter weight over and then uses the top weight counter weight to pinpoint your exact weight?  If I were a nurse I would ALWAYS be stingy with the bottom big counter weight!  I step up on that thing and the ever diligent nurse just skips right over that "150" notch.  Really?  Come on sister, let's be friends.  I know she does this countless times a day and is a pro and the estimating process, but think of it as a random act of kindness.

photo credit: here

Now after that self indulgent rant I must say that I am proud to announce I am back to my pre-pregnancy weight!  31 weeks pregnant and I'm no longer in the red.  I am so thankful for this so I really can't complain too much.  I'm looking forward to maybe gaining some healthy pregnancy baby weight for the remainder, I started this pregnancy knowing what lay ahead as far as HG complications so I am intentionally overweight *ahem*.  A healthy weight gain for me probably tops out at around 15 pounds (not the typical 25 to 35).  If I hadn't had "reserves" for Isabelle's pregnancy I seriously may not have made it.

So here's to your weight, whatever your number may be!  Celebrate it and be happy in it.  My extra cushion has saved me twice now and for that I am thankful!  My padding has a purpose and so does yours, don't waste time hating something that could quite literally save your life.  God loves you and your cellulite! (I may have to needlepoint that onto a pillow).

Parents

Thank God for parents. More specifically these two:

Photo Credit: Jessica Trimble

What a blessing to my life they are.  Who am I kidding?  A blessing to all of our lives.

Photo Credit: Jessica Trimble 2012

I'm clearly biased on this subject but I must say, that in my 24 years on this planet there doesn't exist another pair of people who have ever impressed me more.

2005

I've watched them raise a blended family together without any of us truly feeling "blended".  I'm one of four, and I will admit that at times I feel as though my life choices have not always made me the easiest child to love and I'm probably responsible for more than just some sleepless nights.  And yet, here I sit, equally loved and equally cherished.

Photo Credit: Jessica Trimble

Quite possibly the two most selfless people.  I've seen them help my friends when they didn't have enough money to join a high school team.  I watched them devote years of their lives and their home to caring for my ailing grandparents.  Always so eager to give and to help.  I've seen Dad, the union president and a shift worker, lose valuable sleep to help co-workers and their families to receive hard earned benefits.  I've witnessed Mom stay awake for days on end caring for my grandparents, holding their hands, managing the slew of doctor's appointments.

I'll tell you what I haven't seen:  I've never seen them waiver from what's right and I've never seen them withhold love.

These two people are there for our family at a moments notice.  I'm forever grateful for the lessons I've been taught and the values they worked hard to demonstrate and instill in all of us.  Now that I'm in the very early stages of parenting I'm getting a glimpse of the devotion it takes to raise a family.  So it must be said: I love you. I'm thankful for you. I'm proud of you.  I'm proud you're mine.  I'd be lost without you.  Our little family would be lost without you.

Photo Credit: Jessica Trimble

Thank you for loving me  us.

The professional photo credits belong to Jessica Trimble, a fantastic photographer and she has her own blog as well, you can find her here: Heart on Homestead.  Thanks Jessica!

Liebster Award!

As I attempt to make my return to my blogging habit after my battle with a wicked kidney infection, I must take care of a very neglected honor first.  I hope my tardiness in response doesn't reflect my sentiment over this thoughtful nomination because I am sincerely flattered I was even thought of.  Mrs. Davis over on DIY Davis Style was kind enough to nominate me and has a pretty snazzy blog herself!  Be sure to check her site out. (If I were a wealthy individual I would certainly hire her as my interior decorator, I appreciate that it comes naturally to her because it most certainly does not flow naturally from me!)

Liebster Award rules:
1. Each blogger should post 11 random facts about themselves.
2. Answer the 11 questions the tagger has set for you, and then create 11 new questions for the bloggers you pass the award to.
3. Choose 11 bloggers [with less than 200 followers] to pass the award to and link them in your post.
4. Go to their page and tell them about the award.
5. No tag backs

11 random facts:

1. I am a musical fiend.  I love Disney movies and classics like My Fair Lady and Pretty Girl.  I can sing every single song.
2. I'm a "fly by the seat of my pants" crafter.  I can read and follow patterns for sewing, knitting, and crocheting but more often I prefer to just make my own because I don't like the constriction.
3. I detest hard rock and metal music.  Southern rock and classic rock are fine but you can keep the shouting nonsense.
4. My handwriting when first start writing something to once my hand is tired varies so much it looks like two different people wrote it.
5. Before I became a mom I was an avid roadside animal saver but once you've got a baby in the back seat it abruptly stops.  The most I can do now is pull over and call animal control and it stings my heart a little bit.
6. I am horrible at math.  Thank the Lord Corey brought his math gene to the table or our kids would have been in serious trouble.
7. I have a hard time telling people "no".  I will take on too many projects to help family and friends and it usually always ends with me tired, slightly frazzled, and stretching myself a tad too thin.  I know I only ask for help when I truly need it so I always take anyone asking for advice or help very seriously.
8. I'm terrified of bugs.  Not just spiders.  I don't even like butterflies touching me.  I'll look but not touch.
9. I can not stand what Corey and I call "pass the baby".  I will not share my newborn with anyone other than my husband and daughter.  My parents who live 5 minutes away and were here almost every day after the birth didn't hold Isabelle until she was about 4 weeks old.  They understood that the baby needed to bond and stay close with Mama, it should be a peaceful transition.  They came to take care of everything else, like laundry, dishes, dinner, etc.  I will forever be grateful for them teaching me it's okay to not give into the pressure of letting others hold the baby and for letting me just be a new Mom 100% of the time for those first precious weeks.
10. I'm crunchy.  Probably more so than I state on any social media.  I like holistic methods of healing, breastfeeding until the child decides to stop, I would totally home birth if it were an option for me, I prefer "frugal" living, and so much more.  It's a tad bit controversial because people have been conditioned to think one way about health or birth, but the evidence based research is there if you look for it.
11. I am truly madly in love with my family and our lives.  My husband is not just my best friend but just an all around great guy.  Our daughter is such a source of joy for everyone she comes in contact with.  When I wake every day my heart beats for them and this new member to be joining us soon will be no exception!

And now, my questions from Mrs. Davis:

1. Who's your biggest celebrity crush?

Ryan Gosling.  The man oozes charm, and if you've ever gotten to know my husband you'll soon find I'm a real sucker for it.  Also add the movie Crazy.Stupid.Love and all of the "Hey Girl" memes and yeah, *drool*  

2. What is something you completely dread doing?

Laundry. I have told my husband many times, I wouldn't want to live extravagantly if we won the lottery but my one "splurge" would be laundry service.  I would never do laundry again.

3. If you had to define your style, what would you say?

Not sure if we're talking about clothes or our home sooooo:

Clothing Style: cheap, simple, and wear well.  Being a stay at home mother I am fortunate that I can wear whatever I would like, and spending my day chasing Isabelle, comfortable clothes win out every time. My one personal obsession is antique jewelry.  Luckily, Corey "gets it" ;-)

Home Style: I like light and bright.  Natural sunlight pouring into the house is good for the soul.  I like traditional and heirloom anything, photos, handmade quilts, afghans, furniture, things from our family past are cherished.  Functionality wins out here as well.  I have a toddler, she lives here, learns, plays, loves, and prays here.  For as long as our house is blessed with children, it will look like they live here and not a page from a magazine.

4. Chocolate or vanilla?

Vanilla.

5. What's your go to outfit? Something maybe you have had in your closet for years and just can't let go of...

Since I'm currently in maternity I would say a Target maternity t-shirt and some black active wear pants.  But who am I kidding, I'm still wearing it even after the baby comes.

6.  Your favorite room in your home...and why?

I'm torn between saying the living room or the kitchen.  Lots of amazing memories and soul filling moments happen in these rooms.

7.  If you could change absolutely anything in your house, what would it be?

I would prefer all of the bedrooms on the same level, but 3 out of 4 isn't too bad.  I would also want a larger kitchen, we seriously have one of the smallest kitchens I've ever seen. A fence around the entire backyard and a large deck on the back of the house. Hey, you said anything.

8. Dogs or cats?

Dogs.  I think I have a natural cat repelling pheromone, I think they are cute and cuddly but the feeling isn't mutual.

9. What is your best childhood memory? 

Oh my.  This is tough.  Being one of four with a large age gap in the middle, I would say anytime we were all together, family trips, dinners, holidays.  We have so many stories and inside jokes there just isn't a single memory.

10. Live on the edge or play it safe?

Safe.  This has changed since motherhood, Corey and I both have settled down quite a bit.

11. What is the one thing in your life that you have wanted the most? Whether you already have it or are still trying to get it!

Being able to stay at home with our children is an amazing blessing that I cherish and honestly have always dreamed of.  Corey and I had also always planned on having a larger family but given that we struggle with my health issues during pregnancy I'm not sure what God has in store for us.  But, two healthy girls is an amazing, filling blessing and I am more than thrilled with that for the rest of our lifetime.

My 11 nominations:

 1.Blessed By God

2.Moments in Midstream

These are my only blogger friends that have less than 200 followers!

My questions:

1. Has your life ever had a turning point? If yes, what made the change?
2. What are your top two dream professions?
3. What is your guiltiest indulgence?
4. Proudest moment?
5. Favorite time of year?  Holiday?
6. Favorite food?
7. Do you have a hobby? What is it?
8. What's your greatest fear?
9. What makes you unique?
10. Would you consider yourself a good dancer?  Would your friends agree? ;-)
11. What literary figure could you most align yourself with?

Well that's it folks!  I hope these questions find you well and thanks again Mrs. Davis for this, it was fun! xoxo

You Know You're Parenting a Toddler When:

Toddlers, such amazing little sponges that fill your home with such joy.  They are sweet, demanding, adorable, hilarious little people who's little souls are just bubbling over with their own individual personality.  Yet, they are still young enough to be completely uninhibited and also share precious moments of their literal toddler logic.

They are heart stealers, once they've got you, you're hooked.  This little girl of mine is so amazing and along with parenting her, I have picked up a few realizations about raising a toddler.  Her are just a few gems...

You know you're parenting a toddler when:

• Using the restroom with the door closed is a luxury.
• Taking a shower by yourself is just so lonely.
• You realize just how big your boobs are when your little laundry helper decides to wear your bra.  (salad bowls... literally salad bowls).
• You start to see the many purposes of household things.  Oh you think that's just  an empty paper towel roll?  Wrong, it's a telescope and now we're pirates.
• "Eww Mommy!  What's this???"  And you actually hold out your hand...
• You've cupped your hands together to catch throw up.
• I'm a napkin/tissue.  You get very used to the sly toddler coming into hug-slash-nose-wipe.
• Any two similar objects can be in love.  "Look Momma, the punkins (pumpkins) are in looove"
• Things come in three sizes: Daddy, Mommy, and Baby.
• Toddler logic dictates that if you're in love - you're married.  And if you're married - there is a Daddy, Mommy, and Baby. Obviously.
• They pick up your art of distraction.  I can see the thought process: Uh-oh.  I'm in trouble.  Quick something cute...something cute.... "Look Momma, I'm a bunny!"  complete with hops and nose wiggling.
• They inadvertently tattle on you.  At the doctor's office yesterday: The nurse dropped a jar of cotton balls, *hands on her cheeks* "Oh my goodness gracious! What a mess!"
• We're eating the same thing, but it's tastes so much better off of my plate.
• One of my favorite things:  Exaggerated accents.  She sounds like such a little southern country bumpkin, it's awesome.
• Toys have feelings.  "Mommy you stepped on Mickey! Kiss it all better"  And yes, I will kiss him and give my sincerest apology.
• Kissing boo-boos really does make it all better.
• Tea party time is sacred.
• Having full conversations with other toys or imaginary people on a play phone.
• Daddy can be a princess too.
• You always have a little helper.  The time frame you had in mind to finish the task at hand may be extended, but it's hard to resist such enthusiasm to put dishes away.

Enjoy your little people today!

The Not So Terrible Twos

Despite our best efforts, this bubbly smiling kid:

Isn't always smiling.  They have a very popular nickname for her age group, "the terrible twos."

I personally don't think they are terrible.  Yes, they are taxing and inconvenient for me at times but I wouldn't say she's ever been terrible.

But it's not about me.  It's about her.  Her growth in understanding and interpreting situations.  Her world of communication is broadening rapidly and it can be a  roller coaster for a youngster to try and keep up while keeping emotions in check.

I should put it out there that we are peaceful parenting enthusiasts and although this is not about peaceful parenting, I believe that it does come into play.

I know that some people look at me like I'm strange when my daughter gets frustrated at the crayon that won't fit in her pocket leading her to toss it in frustration and start to cry.  I get the odd looks because my reaction isn't to swat her bottom or her hand for throwing a crayon and I certainly won't speak to her harshly because she's crying.  Crying is permitted in this house.  I'll tell her that we shouldn't throw things but I don't bark at her.  I know she's frustrated, and it's a completely valid emotion!  She is allowed to feel frustrated, confused, etc. and being a toddler she doesn't yet have the tools to process these emotions and it comes out in what is often referred to as a tantrum.  My job is to nurture her growing personality and teach her the tools to process these very new, very big feelings, and I personally don't feel that reacting with anger or with strict militant authority is the way for me to do it.  I'll hug her while she's upset, tell her I understand she's upset and it's okay to feel that way.  Usually she'll get out a good little crying session, sometimes while snuggled on my shoulder and other times she prefers to work out her tears on her own.  Once she's calm (the amount of time that takes varies) I'll ask her to please pick up, in this scenario the crayon, and she'll pick it up and 50% of the time she'll issue an apology without any coaxing.

Now, before you think we're push overs, time outs exist in our household.  Aggression or bully behavior are not permitted in this house. Period.  When these occasions do happen we speak in a firm lower tone of voice and thus far it's an instant attention grabber.

In our house how we deal with this age is where parenting meets mothering(nurturing).  We prefer to nurture rather than "train".

Encouragement

Parenting is hard.  Pregnancy (for me at least) is hard.  It's easy when you're a parent to walk around all day second guessing yourself.  Now add the woman rolling her eyes at you while shopping with a very talkative (loud) toddler.  Yeah, this parenting job is a pretty judgmental career choice.  Those who have walked this path before you are a wealth of knowledge, but what they find as an appropriate method you may not.  Parenting is not something to do by comparison, your efforts will always be focused in the wrong place.  It's not a competition of who's journey in parenting has been the toughest.  And it certainly can't be done "by the book".

You know what I find lacking in a lot of advice I hear given to moms?  Encouragement.

If it's not "Mommy Wars" where stay at home moms are pitted against working moms, it's mothers saying discouraging things with a smile "Enjoy your sleep now because once the baby is here you'll never sleep again!"

Whether it's your first baby, your tenth baby, or your only child, you need encouragement.  Encouragement along the whole journey.  Labor, birth, breastfeeding, teething, first hair cuts, day care, school, sports, puberty..... it's all new territory when your oldest starts to experience new milestones.

I'm here to say I'm not perfect.  I fail daily.  I judge my own actions and question my own choices.  I'm constantly striving to be the best mother and wife I can be but some days I can only manage one or the other.  It's a juggling act.  But one thing I do know is I try very hard every single day to be the best spouse and mom I can be.  And even on days where I fail miserably, that's enough.  Even on the hardest days I can rest peacefully because I know I poured love into it.

Bottom line:  God knows your heart.  He sees your efforts.  And no matter how many mistakes you make, He will be your encouragement to keep at it.  Share it.  When you encourage another parent or non parent you're sharing God's encouragement.  Pour God's love into everyday.

The Thing No One Talks About

You research everything before you have babies, most of the stats and numbers making you a nervous wreck.  I thought I had done this before our first born, but if I have learned anything it's that parenting is a never ending journey of learning.

I can honestly say that if our little girl was a boy I would have made a decision based on nothing more than what I thought should be done.  A permanent decision that I would have made without truly educating myself on the subject.

Now, I have a gut feeling this baby is a boy and the husband and I will be making an informed decision on what we feel is best for our potential son.

Every parent will have a million choices to make once their babe is born and everyone has a right to their personal preferences and beliefs.  But, would you change your mind if you were faced with information that isn't listed in the baby books?  We did.

http://www.drmomma.org/

http://www.savingsons.org/

http://www.intactnetwork.org/

Warning: The following links I actually started to weep.

http://www.savingsons.org/2009/08/plastibell-infant-circumcision.html

http://www.savingsons.org/2012/03/plastibell-lie.html


It's a controversial subject and many people think we're extreme and don't agree and that's completely fine with me.  I can completely understand believing old wives tales because it's not a normal thing to research unless you're expecting. (And even then it's often not given a second thought- this was me for our first pregnancy).  I am also one of the people who (in the past) scoffed at a friends decision to leave their son whole.  I've been on both sides of this debate.  Peer pressure and pressures from family can be really tough, I can attest to that.  Just trust your gut and rely on your partner.  Do your own research and you'll make the decision that's right for your family either way, as long as you educate yourself before hand.


**Update**
I found this link today (8/25/12) very helpful when considering a faith based decision.
http://www.drmomma.org/2011/01/faith-considerations-on-circumcision.html

Caution: Pregnancy and Birth Uncensored

Warning: For mature viewing only.

I read all of the typical pregnancy books for our first pregnancy and yet some how when it came down to the real life experience there was a lot left unmentioned.  I know A LOT of people who are currently expecting their first and I know that every pregnancy, labor, and delivery are vastly different, but if you are interested on some of the things the books leave out here is my take.

Big and beautiful: You're 9 months, your belly is round and full of baby.  You are ready to meet this baby wonder and thinking about how you'll get your pre-pregnancy shape back.  You won't get it back.  I'm sorry, but your hips will widen with each baby and in some cases your feet too.  And as far as your mid section if you were able to avoid stretch marks consider yourself blessed.  If you are like the women in my family your belly grows only forward and looks like you're smuggling a beach ball, it will not matter how many crunches I do or how many sessions of Zumba classes, I will for the rest of my life have extra skin, not fat, actual skin.  This is NOT the case for everyone but for some women it's just a fact of carrying babies.  So don't drive your self mad after the baby comes trying to bounce back like a celebrity, enjoy your baby and your squishy tummy for a while... you earned it!

The Milk Factory:  I knew I wanted to breastfeed, it is what's best after all.  But not a single soul told me that the night I came home from the hospital I should have slept on a mound of towels because my milk would come in and completely soak through the mattress.  No one bothered to mention lanolin either.  If you're going to breastfeed do yourself a favor and buy a case of it, your nipples will thank you.  Also, if your baby cries your milk will let down, you'll unhook your nursing bra and before baby can make contact you will shoot milk across the room or in your baby's eye etc.  The longer you breastfeed the less likely it is that your let down will be so strong but at least I gave you a heads up. (Side note: After the baby is born, the hospital will send many different lactation consultants.  I found that the advice I received completely varied from consultant to consultant.  A vast age difference made for the passing along of old wives tales about how to breastfeed.  I attribute my nursing success to Mother's Milk tea, pumping which ever side the baby didn't nurse from in the beginning, and 2 visits to the local La Leche League.)

Third Trimester Dreams:  I woke up in the middle of the night crying and wondering what in the world was wrong with me during my third trimester.  I called Mom and told her about my nightmare and she told me it was normal.  A little warning would have been nice.  Third trimester dreams can be horrifically vivid and gory.  Some of the most disturbing images you never thought you could dare imagine come to life in super hormone charged slumber.  You're not crazy but your hormones are.

After All The Pushing:  You'll be sore but you won't care because you'll be struck with awe at this little human you just ushered into the world.  Unfortunately, you'll most likely be shifted to the hospital post delivery wing and be inundated with interns and nurses checking on you and the baby.  My advice: either check out early or hang a sign on the door asking staff to not disturb unless necessary.  We hung the sign on the door.  (It probably saved a few nurses from some serious over protective new Momma wrath).

Recovery:  This little person has stolen your heart and you're completely smitten.  As you should be, there is no love greater than Momma-Baby love.  You're devoted to this new life but you also have to remember to take care of yourself after delivery.  For routine vaginal births it is common to bleed to a certain degree for about 6 weeks.  Note: Passing blood versus passing clots is very different, if you are passing clots call your care provider.  This is the first time I will have ever admitted this but if it helps someone then it's worth the embarrassment: I actually wore super thin adult diapers.  The hospital will send you home with these funky mesh undies with heavy duty pads that felt more than a diaper to me that the actual adult diaper.  The super thin adult diapers gave me a more secure feeling not to mention being more comfortable.  There it is, gross but true.

This isn't to scare or deter from having babies, but maybe there is a reason why all of the books leave it out.  All I can say is that I'm willing to do it again and women all over the world are willing to do it time and time again.  It's worth it.  So incredibly worth it. 

Rushing It

"You still rock her to sleep?  Even for her naps?"
"You nursed her until she was how old!?"
"She's old enough to walk, why do you carry her everywhere?"

My response has changed of the course of my parenthood adventure but I seem to have found the best response for me : "Why rush it?"

I assure you, she will grow to no longer ask for her stars night light before bed, lullabies, or to be rocked.  And she nursed until she was ready to stop and so what if she remembers?  If we have more children she'll see me nurse them constantly anyway.  And carrying her, well, aside from the fact that she absolutely will not ride in a cart or stroller, she loves it.  We can chat face to face while I shop or hike and she twirls my hair around her little toddler fingers.  (This isn't a major factor, but just driving the point home: 4 children have been abducted from their parents while in plain site in our area in the past year.  Praise the Lord they were all rescued and returned safely to loved ones).

Why is everyone so set on rushing it?  Sometimes I think it's a milestone war, who's baby can sleep through the night first, crawl, walk, etc.  Milestones will drive you mad.  If not the worry about them, the constant reminder from others.  I no longer care.  She was late on all of her mobility milestones by months and she still isn't ready for potty training.  This isn't a problem or a concern I have.  She has proven to me time and time again that only when she's ready will she tackle something new, once ready she only takes a few days to master it.

Other times I think it's buying into the hype.  Heard of a thing called "tweens"?  My general definition of a tween is the stage before becoming a teenager where kids are allowed to emulate teens because they are soon to be one.  Um, no.  Why are we rushing kids out of childhood into a world of scantily clad dressed pop stars and dolls.  Let babies be babies and children be children.  I'm not buying into what the newest toy company is telling me my child should be interested in.

My baby is a baby until she lets me know she's ready to be otherwise.  I miss what we call her "peanut days" when she was brand new but I also adore every new skill she masters as she grows.  Having a front row seat for your child growing up is pretty awe inspiring, who in the world would want to rush that?

Limitations

It was a far from perfect day.  A day full of trudging through stores, taking care of the not-so-fun errands.  My arms trying to push a loaded cart while holding a 32 pound toddler who simply will not sit in the buggy without a meltdown.  After check out I attempt to load our loot into the trunk of the car but fail miserably as everything topples out of the warehouse boxes, some rolling under the car.  I was exhausted, she was reacting to my frustration.

When we got home, I carried her inside, sat her in the living room and it was as if the previous 3 hours had never happened for her.  She was back to where she was comfortable, I was still drained.  After the groceries were put away I was hoping to fall into the recliner and relax for a bit while she played.  But when I sat down she began the process of enthusiastically trying to tempt me with every toy she could put on my lap.

It was then that it finally clicked for me.  She didn't understand that we had a challenging day, why should she?

The week prior I took her to the park to enjoy one of our few warm days in March.  I was very engaged in playing with her, crawling through tunnels and sliding down slides, when a woman who had been watching her children from the park bench tapped me on the shoulder and said "You are just the best babysitter!"  I smiled and explained that I am in fact her mother. (Imagine, a mother doing that?)

 

Kids don't understand that you may look silly to others.  They don't understand that you've had a bad day, or that you need to decompress for just five minutes.  They shouldn't have to.  Our limitations are ones we set for ourselves and when you do that it is perceived and mimicked by your children.  (skip to: "But Mooooommmm fill in the blank.")

I'm working on this, I still have the rare days where my husband comes home and I ask him for "just 5 minutes" to do this or that.  But I have taken the hum-drum "woe is me" out of my voice.  My dear child is not a burden but the largest blessing I have ever known.  Our choice to have me be a stay at home Mom is not a chore but a gift that my husband works very hard to provide.  I can not allow myself to make these imaginary boundaries, but I will work to see that my daughter sees joy in every moment, love in every action, excitement in every possibility, and a positive reflection on every day.

Rock On Momma

It’s 2:16am and my “mommy ears” have been perked, I’ve been listening to her over the baby monitor rustling in the crib.  Then I hear her sweet, almost cooing “Momma”.  I click the top of the baby monitor that lives on my side of the bed, and see her sitting up in the corner.  Roll out of bed and a short walk across the hall I open her door.  She sees me and instantly stands, arms stretched out reaching for me.

“Hi Momma”

“Hi my baby, it’s still bedtime.  Let’s go night night.”

Her deep brown eyes look at me, I feel her tiny toddler hands embrace my face, then she kisses me, wraps her arms around me and lays her head on my shoulder.  We make our way to the rocker in the corner of the room.

Once rocking, her head is tucked under my chin, ear pressed against my chest listening as I softly sing, “Silent night, holy night, all is calm, all is bright…” The baby blanket draped over us, holding her close, I stroke her still baby soft hair while I continue to rock.

Silent Night

O Holy Night

Jesus Loves Me

I half sing, half hum tonight’s songs and she’s almost asleep again.  We rise from the chair, she’s curled up in my arms and we start our swaying walk back to the crib.  Pausing in front of the crib just for a few more moments of back and forth, I kiss her head and lay her down.  Her heavy toddler eyes look up at me as she’s rubbing her ears and I whisper, “Mommy loves you, sweet dreams”, her eyes close and she’s trying to sleep.

My husband, who had been listening to my whispering lullabies over the monitor, feels me get back into the bed, rolls over, kisses me saying in his deeply soft sleepy voice, “Good job Momma, I love you.” 

“I love you too.”

I snuggle under his arm and try to fall back to sleep.

 When I was pregnant, a woman I knew at work had told me with warning in her voice, “Once you start rocking them, you can’t stop.”  And now, when I see an expectant mother, I smile and with love in my voice say, “Once, you start rocking the baby you’ll never want to stop.”

So I say to all of the Mommas and soon to be Mommas of the world: Rock on Momma, rock on.

'Tis the Season

I am a well-documented Christmas fiend, the first of November and our house in fully decorated.  This Christmas has been a little hectic for us with specialist visits for my husband and abdominal surgery for myself, I am very thankful that we decorate so early because I'm not sure it would have been done otherwise.  I'm struggling a little bit with my normal Christmas time activities due to this lovely surgery recoup time, but I thought I would share some of my favorite things about the season in hopes of making up where my "cheer" has been lacking.

• Church: The feeling of walking into church during the Christmas season is fantastic.  Watching the children light the advent wreath and stay late to decorate the Christmas tree reminds me of my enthusiasm doing the same not so long ago. 

• The readings: preparing for the celebration of the birth of baby Jesus, are like a familiar bed time story; comforting and relaxing, easing you into the joy, peace, and the true reason for the season.

• Christmas music:  I know them all.  Just ask my husband.  I sing them ALL day and all evening long, while rocking our little one, cooking, knitting, sewing, the shower, anywhere.  No one is safe from my Christmas caroling.  Doris Day, Dean Martin, Elvis, Andy Williams, Nat King Cole, I stick to traditional classics.  You will find it is very hard to have a bad day listening to Doris Day.

• Decorations:  It warms the house, all of the warm red and green and glints of gold sparkles here and there.  I love covering every nook of our house with Christmas goodness.  Every morning I bring our little girl downstairs she "oohh" and "ahh"s over the Christmas lights.

• Baking: Snikerdoodles, apple pie, shortbread, pecan tassies, cheesecake, brownies, peanut butter cookies, sweet bread wreaths...yeah.

• Knitting: "Baby it's cold outside...." *click click click* Nothing like knitting something snuggly warm on a frosty cold December morning while your toddler plays at your feet.

• Family: We are always gathering, shopping together, eating together. Love it.

• Christmas movies:  My poor hubby has to put of with any and all Christmas movies that happen to be on.  (Deep down I know he loves my Christmas movie nerdiness)

• Baby Muffin's Christmas:  This being her second Christmas we are so excited (admitting that we went way overboard on goodies for under the tree) we are so pumped to carry her downstairs in her Christmas pajamas that her Nana picks out every year and hear her little toddler "wow".  Sit cross-legged on the floor and snuggle together opening presents.

•  Santa:  He's towards the bottom because he's not my holiday showstopper, but he is a pretty generous guy and loves kids so he's good in my book.

If you are struggling finding your Christmas spirit, I suggest you pile into the car with your loved ones and head to an evening church service.  On the way pop in a Christmas CD and admire the Christmas lights.   Once there sit close, hold hands and praise together.  Prepare your hearts for the story and meaning of Jesus' birth.  Go home, eat some warm food (preferably the holiday season variety) and watch a family Christmas movie.

Wherever or whoever you are I hope the true meaning and spirit of Christmas finds and warms your heart.