Sometimes it creeps in, very unexpectedly. Sometimes I can feel like I’m reaching for something just out of my grasp. The things I can’t control, the inevitable, the things I can control but fail at anyway. Whether it’s ill loved ones, trying something new, finances, watching friends struggle, or fear of not being enough; we all deal with our own battles.
I can feel a tinge of fear when I see the health of my Grandpappy getting worse. I cringe at an unexpected bill. I worry about dear friends who are fighting their own personal battles and sink when I hear a message on my voicemail because I was too busy to answer the phone when they needed me. I can feel completely drained and guilty at the same time when I feel like I wasn’t able to be there for every person exactly when they needed me. I fear things out of my control.
And then I pray.
I talk to Him as if I were talking to anyone else. I know He knows what’s going on but I tell Him anyway. I often have conversations with Him, Nana, Uncle Timmy, and Grandma, like we are all just hanging out. I vent. I find the time. When I’m rocking Muffin, while I’m driving, as lay down for a nap and the house is quiet, as I wait in the kitchen by the stove for food to finish cooking.
And although the answer doesn’t always come instantly, the peace does.