It happens often. I am humbled by my little darling. Today we have been up since 3 am, after what I can only assume was a “night terror”. She woke up abruptly *screaming*, I ran in and she was disoriented and it took her a second to realize that Momma was comforting her. Just like when she was newborn, this was new territory for me, I was fumbling for our natural teething relief, checking her temp, her diaper, still she screamed. I nursed her and did my very best to comfort her, rocking her in the rocking chair that I have put miles on since she arrived. I am still feeling a little helpless, I want to make it better, and I’m using all of my “Mommy Tools”. She eventually fell asleep in my arms, but I soon found out that was the only place she wanted to be, I tried in bed with us, putting her in her crib, nadda. So I have been rocking this little darling since 3 am with little bursts of playtime thrown in the mix, but after about five minutes, she’ll straddle my legs and wiggle her way up into my arms, swing her leg over and just nuzzle there.
So yes, today has been challenging. I haven’t had a chance to eat yet and it’s well into the afternoon. I’m typing with one hand and cradling a babe with the other. I need a shower, to get out of my PJ's, to brush my hair, maybe brush my teeth (I can’t remember), and I have been surviving on sweet tea. There are literally mountains of laundry that need folded, dishes to put away, and errands to be run, but still, in my haze, we have found peace. So have I figured out what the cause of today's chaos has been? No. I’m watching, rethinking, and over analyzing everything, trying to reinvent ways to comfort but always just piling on the love. And really, that seems to be what’s working the best: Love. Kisses, snuggles, hugs, and baby talk.
I know that I will not regret making time for things to get done/myself, but I would always regret not being there 100% of the time for her both physically and emotionally. To be wholly present, here, now, with her, no matter what the circumstances. Because I am Mom, through the good, the bad, the ugly, and I wouldn’t dream of being anywhere else.