Fear

Sometimes it creeps in, very unexpectedly.  Sometimes I can feel like I’m reaching for something just out of my grasp.  The things I can’t control, the inevitable, the things I can control but fail at anyway.  Whether it’s ill loved ones, trying something new, finances, watching friends struggle, or fear of not being enough; we all deal with our own battles. 

I can feel a tinge of fear when I see the health of my Grandpappy getting worse.  I cringe at an unexpected bill.  I worry about dear friends who are fighting their own personal battles and sink when I hear a message on my voicemail because I was too busy to answer the phone when they needed me.  I can feel completely drained and guilty at the same time when I feel like I wasn’t able to be there for every person exactly when they needed me.  I fear things out of my control.

And then I pray.

I talk to Him as if I were talking to anyone else.  I know He knows what’s going on but I tell Him anyway.  I often have conversations with Him, Nana, Uncle Timmy, and Grandma, like we are all just hanging out.  I vent.  I find the time.  When I’m rocking Muffin, while I’m driving, as lay down for a nap and the house is quiet, as I wait in the kitchen by the stove for food to finish cooking.

And although the answer doesn’t always come instantly, the peace does.