"Urse"

She's toddling along now.  Bright shining eyes and big baby toothed grin, waddling toward me and pointing.  All while chanting "Urse? Uuurrse??"

Some people may say "when they are old enough to ask for it, they are too old".  But I simply disagree.  What a joy for a mother and baby to miss out on.  "Urse" is Fiona's way of asking to nurse.  She'll walk towards me with her chubby legged baby stomp of a walk, pointing and saying "Urse? Uuurse?"  And I melt.

How precious this time is.  How fleeting.  I won't be this needed again for a long time and as she grows, my methods of comforting her with a simple touch and without a word will be more difficult.  For right now, only I can fill that comforting need and I don't mind being on call to do so.

We'll leave out all of the overwhelming evidence supporting extended breastfeeding and just say this:  If it brings you both joy, comfort, and a stronger bond, then forget the rest and listen to your mothering heart.  You're far from alone.

I wish this kind of love for everyone.

Peace In the Labor

"Purpose is found in those quiet moments when no one but God sees the work of your hands" - Darlene Schacht

Recently a Facebook friend posted an article discussing how when raising a family, life is not always about a "fair" work load among the parents.  Now when I had originally read this article I felt indignant.  I understood it to mean: Life is not fair. It's your job, so deal with it and quit whining.  What!?  How dare some random blogger tell me that my feelings/stress/workload are insignificant.  My job is 24/7, no sick days, or vacations.  Although I love my children I strongly dislike laundry, budget making, dishes, cooking and cleaning as a chore. And truth be told, a girl deserves a shower! Hmph.
But then....
I came across this article: Embracing Your Own Cross.  And the title quote struck me:

“If we all threw our crosses in a pile and saw everyone else’s, we’d grab ours back.”

Part of me thinks that it was fated for me to stumble upon both of these on the same day.  I started to rethink my knee jerk reaction to the first article.  Is this my cross? Truly, where is my burden?  Where within myself do I feel the need to fairly balance the daily requirements of my homemaking?  Why do I feel this way?

I assure you my burden is not in my labor, it's in my perspective.

If I have honestly chosen the care and raising of my family as my vocation, my perspective needs tweaking.  No where in the definition of dedication or faithfulness does it mention fairness.  As much as a I had to surrender my body to laboring in childbirth, so I must surrender my spirit to the joyful purpose of my vocation.  In this life and the next the rewards are unparalleled.

"Similarly, older women should behave as befits religious people, with no scandal-mongering and no addiction to wine -- they must be the teachers of right behavior and show younger women how they should love their husbands and love their children, how they must be sensible and chaste, and how to work in their homes, and be gentle, and obey their husbands, so that the message of God is not disgraced." - Titus 2:3-5 

I'm back!

I've been absent but can you blame me?  Who wants to miss a minute of their kids growing up?  So I type this as all of my babies (yes, even the hubs) sleep peacefully.

Our sweet doll baby Fiona

Fiona is almost 3 months old:

*swoon*

• I almost can't believe how quickly this is flying by.  She's well over 15 pounds and may be more now since it's been a while since we've weighed her.  
• She is still a champion nurser, feeding every two hours during the day and going longer stretches at night (almost 4 hours).  She has occasional cluster feedings but they are completely manageable   
• She has such an easy going disposition, the only time she gets irritated is when she isn't able to sleep peacefully. (Usually because her older sister is the most incredible human noise maker I've ever encountered).  
• Still exclusively breastfed and co-sleeping with us. I have tried swaddling her in the co-sleeper next to me but can't seem to settle into a peaceful sleep so we're sticking with what works. (And I don't mind a single bit!)  
• Her eyes are still very light, very blue with a lighter circle around her pupil. It's still too early to tell what color they may end up being though.

Isabelle turns 3 years old next month:

A big girl in her big girl bed!

• I was in disbelief ordering all of her birthday party supplies, how can she be 3 already?  But my oh my, the personality on her.  
• She keeps me giggling all day long.  Even when she does something that warrants my correction, I sometimes have to hide a smile because, well, she just can't help how darn cute she is!  
• Her crib has been converted to a "big girl bed" per her request.  She enjoys waking up and playing with her toys in her room, such independence!
• Potty training is hit and miss, pun intended.  She has days where she doesn't have a single accident and other days where she gets frustrated and needs a break.  I'm comfortable with the pace she sets for herself.  When she's ready she'll master it.  
• She can count wonderfully and we're working on addition by using groupings of toys or any other found objects.  
• She sings her ABC's in a looping fashion, instead of "next time won't you sing with me", she just starts the song over again.  
• We have been having regular Sunday school here at home and I'm pretty proud that my 2 year old can tell you the story of Jesus.  
• We've been dabbling in pairing words that rhyme and I plan on focusing on individual letters of the alphabet soon.  She enjoys structure and soaks up information as long as it's presented in a way that she responds to.  
• For an almost 3 year old, I think she's wicked smart.

Religious education. Aka: my poorly drawn bible stories

Easter Sunday

Trimming trees... yikes!

Corey and I are well, we have become quite the parenting duo.  We both got our first sunburns of the season last week while helping my parents tackle some VERY large trees.  We have managed to stay very busy with different events filling up our family calendar.  Corey is almost finished with his classes for this semester, he'll have a nice Summer break, and then back to it in the Fall.  I'll be happy when he's mine all mine for the whole week once he's home from work.

Daddy had a birthday.... I won't tell which one ;-)

That's the basics as far as catching up is concerned.  I'm hoping to allow a little more time for myself in the evenings to start to journal thoughts and happenings again!

Getting Our Groove Back

Since our newest addition has arrived three weeks ago (it's happening too fast), we've  *I* have been working to settle into our new family dynamic.

I'm no longer a first time mother.  Having confidence in my ability to nurse, soothe, and love a baby makes a huge difference.  Every little baby pimple and odd colored eye booger no longer sends me into a WebMD searching (and calling my mother) tizzy.  However, the second time around comes with a new bag of self doubt.  My main personal issue being: time.

When Isabelle was born she never left my side, she was held skin to skin and napped with. Now that Fiona has arrived I do my best to wear her around the house but some activities with Isabelle require her to be put into her swing.  Sometimes I must change Fiona's diaper or nurse her, things that cannot wait and it leaves me asking Isabelle to be patient.  I guess what I'm trying to say is the issue isn't so much about time as it is about my guilt.

I can juggle with the best of them but this "Mommy guilt" is a very real feeling.  No naps during the day anymore and waking often at night left me feeling like a zombie the for first 2 weeks after giving birth to Fiona, just going through the motions.  I felt guilty about not feeling like I was totally engaged with my parenting but now I am beginning to realize that it was just my body's way of settling in.  The guilt about the transition that happened here in the house is getting better.  Telling myself it wasn't 2 weeks wasted but 2 weeks of adjusting.

Now that I'm feeling more acclimated to our new lifestyle I'm feeling energized about parenting again. I'm starving for warmer weather so I can venture out on my own with the girls.  I'm still having moments of feeling a pull in all directions, not exactly sure how to be two people at once.  But mixed in with all of that are those crazy, silly, dancing, joyful, heart melting, blessed by God moments.  The ones that will forever be ingrained in my mind during this precious fleeting time.  It's a blessing and it fills my spirit looking after my girls but that doesn't always make it easy.

Photo Credit: Jessica at Jessica Faith Photography

Basically, I've decided that we're all new at this new family unit style and I'm going to cut myself some slack.  It's going to take some time but I know my heart and soul lies with this family so it's all going to fall into place.  The current game plan: Thank God, get as much sleep as possible, and hang on tight to the beautiful messy ride we're on!

Photo Birth Announcement: Fiona Noel!

 My wordy version of her birth story will come later but for now, this is how it plays in my mind:

Fiona Noel

Born on February 4th, 2013 at 1:16 PM

9 pounds 4.1 ounces

18 3/4 inches long

Making happy the hearts of all who prayed for her safe arrival.  All glory to God.

*All of these beautiful memories were captured by my lifelong best friend Jessica Sigafoose.  More than a friend she's a sister, I love you very much and I can't thank you enough.  My other amazing support was my mom, Anne Williams, thank you and bless you for always being there, from my early morning phone calls to sitting on a stool for hours while I labored in a birth tub, I love you.  To my amazing husband, I love you, you were there for me spiritually and physically and I owe you the world for our sweet girls and all of your kind patience and understanding.  Thank you all for the bottom of this mother's so grateful heart!*

The Dual Nursery Conundrum

As we inch closer to Fiona's arrival I've been looking back at the past 10 months and everything we've done in preparation.  It's easy to get wrapped up in the household changes, the unpacking of darling clothes saved from Isabelle, and even the assembly of new infant swings and cribs.  Yes, I said new crib, as in another crib purchased.

More important than all of that is the commitment we made once starting our little family - not to rush one child out of childhood simply because we are adding another .  During all of this hustle we have spent hours explaining and including Isabelle in the preparations for the new arrival.  Here is where I may contradict myself: I'm frugal.  I prefer to save where ever we can.  I don't find this to be a flaw but a life skill.  Something along the lines of "here today gone tomorrow".  Those who know this about me were wondering why we would order another crib, when Isabelle could move to a toddler bed and Fiona could use hers.  As a matter of fact, some people think it's silly for us to have prepared and furnished an entirely new nursery.

Well, here's the deal:

Corey and I made the decision to expand this family.  Our choice to do so does not make Isabelle age faster or become less of a baby in our eyes.  We decided that an addition of a new baby does not automatically thrust the older sibling into independence.

We discussed the changes and asked Isabelle what she felt she was ready for.

"Isabelle, you sleep in your crib, right now that's Isabelle's bed.  Would you like a big girl bed?"

"No, I like Isabelle's crib bed."

Done.

"Baby, when Fiona comes she'll be a small baby and will wear diapers.  Mama will have to change her diapers a lot."

"I'll help you!"

"Thank you sweet pea.  Well, Mama got you these big girl undies, would you like to try using the potty like a big girl?"

"Ok!"

 And after a few days of practicing our potty skills...

"Mama, it's too hard."

"Don't worry baby, we'll practice later.  I'm proud of you for trying, such a big girl!"

Done.

I don't subscribe to the baby milestone race.  I'm not impressed by a child that can walk at 9 months or a use the potty before the age of two. Every child is different.  And I will not push or demand more from a child of mine than they are readily willing to try.  I will not rush our first baby, who will always be our baby, out of her comfort zone because we decided to make her an older sister.

So the cribs are assembled and the new nursery painted and ready to go (after Fiona let's us know she's done with her co-sleeper ;-) ).  Isabelle's room has had some renovations as well and she made some executive decisions on the new "look" of her space.  I'm enjoying this magic time of preparing our home and our hearts.  I have one sweet girl caressing my belly, petting my hair, and promising to help take care of Mama; while growing another sweet babe soon to join us.  The way Corey and I have chosen to do things certainly isn't revolutionary.  The idea of letting a baby be a baby or a toddler be a toddler isn't new.  Whenever these little people that we've been blessed with caring for let us know they're ready for bigger and better things we will cheer them on in this bittersweet job of being parents.

The Reward Board!

File this under gentle parenting: I recently made Isabelle a Reward Board.  This is a positive reinforcement tool my Mom implemented for my younger sister growing up, another very goal oriented young lady - currently working her tail off in law school.  I never really jumped on board with the reward system, as I was very much a child with my head in the clouds, never focusing on one thing for very long. (Truthfully, not much has changed).

With the goal in mind to keep it simple enough for a 2 year old to understand, I began my search for construction materials at our local craft store.  I didn't have my mind set on what I wanted the board to look like until I started stumbling onto things I knew would catch her eye.  From there I started to form a more solid concept.

Basically it's a large metallic cookie sheet I had Corey drill two holes in and hang a chain on.  I found everything else in the scrap booking section of Micheal's.  Anything glitter, Mickey Mouse, and Disney princesses (mainly Cinderella and Belle) are her preferred subjects.  All of the paper is very thick scrap booking card stock.  The metallic style letters are stickers and were just in a sleeve containing the whole alphabet.  I found the thicker cardboard Disney characters and decided they would make great cheerleaders for her "reward area".  Everything except for the stars I glued directly in place.  The gold "reward stars" are cut from the same type of scrap booking card stock and I put them on magnetic paper that has an adhesive side.

How it works:

For any thoughtful, cooperative, kind, polite, or helpful behavior, she gets to move 1 star over to the reward area. Today we focused on her sitting down and eating the food that was prepared for her.  Normally, a very finicky eater, meal time can be a battle, but not today!  Today, she was told that if she ate at the table at her mealtimes and ate what Mama had prepared, we would move a gold star.  She gobbled up every single crumb and raced to the reward board afterward.

A star cannot be revoked.  This is my peaceful parenting stance on the reward board.  She earned her stars and to threaten to take away her rewards after she put forth effort to earn them is counter productive to what my overall goal is.  The overall goal being, if you are cooperative and kind it is reinforced with positive affirmation and praise....and stickers.

For each star at the end of the day she gets a sticker after dinner.  *Side note: remind me to buy stock in stickers.*

This picture was taken tonight right after moving her third star for behaving so wonderfully and eating her dinner.  She was so proud of her accomplishment and eager to earn another star.  As you can see she's pretty darn proud of her stickers too!

So far I am thrilled with the enthusiasm she is showing about the Reward Board.  I am so proud of how quickly she grasped the concept as well.  If this is a tool that holds her interest for a while we can expand it to other things.  But for now it's working wonderfully and I couldn't be happier with how much she's enjoying it!

My "Only Child"

My darling first born.  My "only child".  My baby Isabelle.

It's hitting home now, that soon my little wiggly belly being will be Earth side and promote my once only child to big sister.

What will happen to our precious one on one time?  The morning, noon, and nighttime snuggles.  Her sweet whispers of "covers Mama" when she wants some sit down time on my lap.  What will come of her coveted space in between Mama and Daddy in our bed?  How will she handle such a change?  As a child who appreciates order during her day, how will this new little person fit in the balance of her toddler world?

Her soon to be sister was dreamed of and prayed for.  After heart aches along the journey to add an addition to our family, Fiona's growing life is a cherished blessing for us.  A much anticipated arrival indeed.  I daydream about welcoming a small nursling back into our lives and watching Isabelle flourish as a big sister.  

I'm not worried about the amount of love we can manage in this household, I know that love multiplies.  But any mother expecting to welcome a new life is allowed a hormonal mixed bag of emotions.

This really is a magic time, I have a new life growing and moving inside of me, a sweet girl who manages to teach me daily, a husband who is just as excited as I am, and a family full of the same love and anticipation that was given during Isabelle's pregnancy.

 I'm looking forward to our new family adventure but I'd be fibbing if I didn't admit that I'm enjoying every precious moment that Isabelle's toddler arms are wrapped around my neck in a quick embrace.  With everything in parenting, these sacred moments are numbered, passing all too quickly.

My precious only child, I adore every moment of being your mother and I thank you for the gift of motherhood.  My teacher in so many things, life, love, faith... my love for you grows every second.  I know you are ready for this journey and I'm honored that your father and I get to share it with you.

The Not So Terrible Twos

Despite our best efforts, this bubbly smiling kid:

Isn't always smiling.  They have a very popular nickname for her age group, "the terrible twos."

I personally don't think they are terrible.  Yes, they are taxing and inconvenient for me at times but I wouldn't say she's ever been terrible.

But it's not about me.  It's about her.  Her growth in understanding and interpreting situations.  Her world of communication is broadening rapidly and it can be a  roller coaster for a youngster to try and keep up while keeping emotions in check.

I should put it out there that we are peaceful parenting enthusiasts and although this is not about peaceful parenting, I believe that it does come into play.

I know that some people look at me like I'm strange when my daughter gets frustrated at the crayon that won't fit in her pocket leading her to toss it in frustration and start to cry.  I get the odd looks because my reaction isn't to swat her bottom or her hand for throwing a crayon and I certainly won't speak to her harshly because she's crying.  Crying is permitted in this house.  I'll tell her that we shouldn't throw things but I don't bark at her.  I know she's frustrated, and it's a completely valid emotion!  She is allowed to feel frustrated, confused, etc. and being a toddler she doesn't yet have the tools to process these emotions and it comes out in what is often referred to as a tantrum.  My job is to nurture her growing personality and teach her the tools to process these very new, very big feelings, and I personally don't feel that reacting with anger or with strict militant authority is the way for me to do it.  I'll hug her while she's upset, tell her I understand she's upset and it's okay to feel that way.  Usually she'll get out a good little crying session, sometimes while snuggled on my shoulder and other times she prefers to work out her tears on her own.  Once she's calm (the amount of time that takes varies) I'll ask her to please pick up, in this scenario the crayon, and she'll pick it up and 50% of the time she'll issue an apology without any coaxing.

Now, before you think we're push overs, time outs exist in our household.  Aggression or bully behavior are not permitted in this house. Period.  When these occasions do happen we speak in a firm lower tone of voice and thus far it's an instant attention grabber.

In our house how we deal with this age is where parenting meets mothering(nurturing).  We prefer to nurture rather than "train".

Encouragement

Parenting is hard.  Pregnancy (for me at least) is hard.  It's easy when you're a parent to walk around all day second guessing yourself.  Now add the woman rolling her eyes at you while shopping with a very talkative (loud) toddler.  Yeah, this parenting job is a pretty judgmental career choice.  Those who have walked this path before you are a wealth of knowledge, but what they find as an appropriate method you may not.  Parenting is not something to do by comparison, your efforts will always be focused in the wrong place.  It's not a competition of who's journey in parenting has been the toughest.  And it certainly can't be done "by the book".

You know what I find lacking in a lot of advice I hear given to moms?  Encouragement.

If it's not "Mommy Wars" where stay at home moms are pitted against working moms, it's mothers saying discouraging things with a smile "Enjoy your sleep now because once the baby is here you'll never sleep again!"

Whether it's your first baby, your tenth baby, or your only child, you need encouragement.  Encouragement along the whole journey.  Labor, birth, breastfeeding, teething, first hair cuts, day care, school, sports, puberty..... it's all new territory when your oldest starts to experience new milestones.

I'm here to say I'm not perfect.  I fail daily.  I judge my own actions and question my own choices.  I'm constantly striving to be the best mother and wife I can be but some days I can only manage one or the other.  It's a juggling act.  But one thing I do know is I try very hard every single day to be the best spouse and mom I can be.  And even on days where I fail miserably, that's enough.  Even on the hardest days I can rest peacefully because I know I poured love into it.

Bottom line:  God knows your heart.  He sees your efforts.  And no matter how many mistakes you make, He will be your encouragement to keep at it.  Share it.  When you encourage another parent or non parent you're sharing God's encouragement.  Pour God's love into everyday.

Favorite Things: Newborn

1. Bordeaux's All Natural Butt Paste
2. Pack - n- Play (with elevated sleep surface)
3. Wipe warmer
4. Moby wrap
5. 100% cotton flannel extra large receiving blankets
6. Medela Freestyle breast pump
7. Lanolin
8. Mother's Milk Tea
9. Boppy pillow
10. Infant swing

1. All Natural Butt Paste:  Simply the best diaper ointment out there.  We tried them all and this is by far the best!  And I'm sorry, but there is absolutely no excuse for diaper rash.  I am a well documented diaper changing fiend.  If your baby is wet, change them.  Guess what happens if you don't change them frequently enough? Yep, diaper rash.  Muffin never had it and I vow this baby won't have it either.  I've watched too many babies with it and it breaks my heart.  Stop being lazy and change your kids diaper.  Buy extra diapers and lots of ointment, change frequently. *steps down from soap box*
2. Pack-n-play with sleeper:  Our cheaper version of a co-sleeper.  I would love love and Arm's Reach Co-sleeper, but I'm not about to shell out for a crib plus a co-sleeper.  I breastfeed exclusively for the first 6 months so having the baby right next to me at night time is a must. (Not to mention wonderful<3)  I'm a strong believer in extended breastfeeding, keeping baby/toddler close makes this so much easier.
3. Wipe warmer:  Seasoned moms can laugh all they want, every time my baby nurses at night, I change their diaper.  Newborns have a habit of tinkling when they eat and falling asleep during the burping process, so a wipe warmer to keep from startling a baby with a cold wipe is worth it to me.  (Again, you can probably file this under: Diaper changing fiend).
4. Moby wrap:  I adore wearing my daughter.  I bought an expensive Boba carrier just so I can carry her now that she's a toddler.  Babies are meant to be next to Momma, it's been scientifically proven beneficial for both mom and baby.  (Not to mention it feels so absolutely wonderful).
5. Extra large receiving blankets: Save your money on those expensive swaddler things in the store and just use a huge flannel receiving blanket.
6. Medela pump:  It's expensive but you really get what you pay for here.  Pumping isn't fun and it's not the most comfortable even with the best pump money can buy.  So get the most effective one for your money.
7. Lanolin: Yeah, if you're pumping, nursing, or both you'll need this.  A lot of this.  Lansinoh sells 100% pure lanolin completely safe for babes.  (Other brands have additives- I'd stick to the pure stuff).
8. Mother's Milk Tea:  All natural tea that helps me keep my milk supply up.  Muffin was a really lazy nurser, constantly falling asleep at the breast.  She'd wake up and be hungry again in 15 minutes.  The child was affixed to my boob but because she wasn't eating full feedings it made my supply all wonky; the tea was a life saver.
9. Boppy: Not always necessary but it can give you a more secure hold on the baby if you're super sleepy while nursing.
10. Infant swing:  I don't really put babies placed in my arms down.  (You can ask family members, I'm not keen on sharing them either).  But when I do need to do something like shower or get something out of the oven, a swing comes in handy.

A lot of these fall under our attachment parenting style.  Just remembering all of the newborn moments with our little girl makes me so excited for this baby on the way!

Rock On Momma

It’s 2:16am and my “mommy ears” have been perked, I’ve been listening to her over the baby monitor rustling in the crib.  Then I hear her sweet, almost cooing “Momma”.  I click the top of the baby monitor that lives on my side of the bed, and see her sitting up in the corner.  Roll out of bed and a short walk across the hall I open her door.  She sees me and instantly stands, arms stretched out reaching for me.

“Hi Momma”

“Hi my baby, it’s still bedtime.  Let’s go night night.”

Her deep brown eyes look at me, I feel her tiny toddler hands embrace my face, then she kisses me, wraps her arms around me and lays her head on my shoulder.  We make our way to the rocker in the corner of the room.

Once rocking, her head is tucked under my chin, ear pressed against my chest listening as I softly sing, “Silent night, holy night, all is calm, all is bright…” The baby blanket draped over us, holding her close, I stroke her still baby soft hair while I continue to rock.

Silent Night

O Holy Night

Jesus Loves Me

I half sing, half hum tonight’s songs and she’s almost asleep again.  We rise from the chair, she’s curled up in my arms and we start our swaying walk back to the crib.  Pausing in front of the crib just for a few more moments of back and forth, I kiss her head and lay her down.  Her heavy toddler eyes look up at me as she’s rubbing her ears and I whisper, “Mommy loves you, sweet dreams”, her eyes close and she’s trying to sleep.

My husband, who had been listening to my whispering lullabies over the monitor, feels me get back into the bed, rolls over, kisses me saying in his deeply soft sleepy voice, “Good job Momma, I love you.” 

“I love you too.”

I snuggle under his arm and try to fall back to sleep.

 When I was pregnant, a woman I knew at work had told me with warning in her voice, “Once you start rocking them, you can’t stop.”  And now, when I see an expectant mother, I smile and with love in my voice say, “Once, you start rocking the baby you’ll never want to stop.”

So I say to all of the Mommas and soon to be Mommas of the world: Rock on Momma, rock on.

When Things Aren't As They Seem

I was reading a forum where mothers were discussing how they dealt with rude comments made about their parenting and lifestyle choices.  Helping each other deal with people who made comments about things such as co-sleeping, breastfeeding, being stay at home moms, living frugally so they could remain stay at home moms, etc.  I had originally clicked the link to discuss my own experiences dealing with others who had made their opinions known about the choices we had made raising our family.  But then I started to look at the list of different comments, all stating different scenarios and conversations it hit me like a ton of bricks and I cringed: I have been guilty of some of these thoughtless comments, not necessarily always saying them aloud but thinking them.  What had originally started with my venting about the wrong committed against me, made me realize the wrong I had committed against others, even if only in my heart.

            Before my dear daughter was born, I knew I was going to breastfeed.  It was something that was drilled into me from my parents, to grandparents, and friends who already had lots of experience nursing (not to mention every baby book and doctor I came in contact with).  I of course did my own research and found that it was recommended and is the gold standard, but one thing that stood out in my mind was the AAP’s recommendation to nurse up to one year and then as long mutually desired after the first birthday.  As long as mutually desired?  I also had found lots of blogs and websites that promoted nursing until the child weans naturally and mothers sharing about nursing toddlers.  I was miffed.  So I started to ask close friends and family, just to make sure I hadn’t stumbled onto some kind of outspoken group of nursing activists. As luck would have it I have a lot of wonderful influences that shared their knowledge and I found that quite a few of them had also nursed until their babies were around age two.  But at the time I couldn’t appreciate it, it wasn’t until Muffin arrived that I understood why.  I actually said aloud “I can’t imagine nursing a toddler, that would be weird, once they can walk around?  I don’t think so.”  And wouldn’t you know it, after Muffin hit her first birthday I was still nursing.  And I’m still nursing her today, at fifteen months old. 

            You see, what I didn’t understand at the time was I really couldn’t possibly know until I was there.  It was easy for me to make that comment because I wasn’t looking at it through the eyes of a mother.  Your baby is always your baby.  And now I look back and kick myself for making that statement, I was clueless.  As educated as I had made myself on the subject, I lacked the experience.

            That got the wheels turning in my head.  When else have I had these naive notions?  How careless to quickly label situations and the people living in them.  If I am to remain authentic, I have to admit guilt.  In the past, before becoming a mom, even before becoming a wife, I know with certainty that I have made comments that are in complete contradiction to the way I have chosen to live my life and the path God has laid out.  We can’t assume to know answers or solutions from the outside looking in. 

  

“Peak performers see the ability to manage change as a necessity in fulfilling their missions” Charles Garfield

I hope that by changing the way I assess situations and others, will better help me live to fulfill His mission.

Breathe Deep and Smile

It happens often.  I am humbled by my little darling.  Today we have been up since 3 am, after what I can only assume was a “night terror”.  She woke up abruptly *screaming*, I ran in and she was disoriented and it took her a second to realize that Momma was comforting her.  Just like when she was newborn, this was new territory for me, I was fumbling for our natural teething relief, checking her temp, her diaper, still she screamed.  I nursed her and did my very best to comfort her, rocking her in the rocking chair that I have put miles on since she arrived.  I am still feeling a little helpless, I want to make it better, and I’m using all of my “Mommy Tools”.  She eventually fell asleep in my arms, but I soon found out that was the only place she wanted to be, I tried in bed with us, putting her in her crib, nadda.  So I have been rocking this little darling since 3 am with little bursts of playtime thrown in the mix, but after about five minutes, she’ll straddle my legs and wiggle her way up into my arms, swing her leg over and just nuzzle there.

            So yes, today has been challenging.  I haven’t had a chance to eat yet and it’s well into the afternoon.  I’m typing with one hand and cradling a babe with the other.  I need a shower, to get out of my PJ's, to brush my hair, maybe brush my teeth (I can’t remember), and I have been surviving on sweet tea.  There are literally mountains of laundry that need folded, dishes to put away, and errands to be run, but still, in my haze, we have found peace.  So have I figured out what the cause of today's chaos has been? No.  I’m watching, rethinking, and over analyzing everything, trying to reinvent ways to comfort but always just piling on the love.  And really, that seems to be what’s working the best: Love.  Kisses, snuggles, hugs, and baby talk.

            I know that I will not regret making time for things to get done/myself, but I would always regret not being there 100% of the time for her both physically and emotionally.  To be wholly present, here, now, with her, no matter what the circumstances.  Because I am Mom, through the good, the bad, the ugly, and I wouldn’t dream of being anywhere else.

So That's What They Call It

After our sweet Muffin’s arrival there were lots of things that came very natural to us:

Nursing: A choice I made while pregnant. God made our bodies in such a way that everything you need to support your baby’s diet for the first 6 months of life is built right into our design.  A custom tailored, made specifically for your baby, free, and loving way of giving your baby everything it needs.  I made a personal commitment to nurse our Muffin until she hit her first birthday as recommended by the American Association of Pediatrics.

Co-Sleeping:  We do this because, in all honesty, it is just easier!  Waking up every 1 to 2 hours to nurse an infant is very easy when they are right next to you.  This grew into us loving the idea that our kids will know that Mom and Dad’s bed is a safe and comforting place.

Baby Wearing:  I would say that this was mainly started with my paranoia of being a first time Mom.  If we left the house I wanted her in my arms.  I knew she was safe there.  I was/am very protective over her, she’s our baby, that’s our job; it’s what we are here for.  After discovering all of the wonderful bonding that came from wearing her right on my chest I was hooked! (Not to mention my husband who very proudly wears our babe in public!)

I didn’t have a clue what it was called; it was just how we did things.  After connecting with other moms online and a little research, I found out it had a name: Attachment Parenting.

What was a natural way of caring for our new addition was actually a well researched, and proven successful method of parenting.  Not to mention extremely rewarding!

If interested, listed are links that are far better at explaining more of the “in and outs” of attachment parenting.

American Association of Pediatrics:

Overview policy on breastfeeding:

http://www.aap.org/breastfeeding/PolicyOnBreastfeeding.html

FAQ:

http://www.aap.org/breastfeeding/faqsBreastfeeding.html

Dr. Sears:

Breastfeeding;

http://www.askdrsears.com/topics/breastfeeding/why-breast-best

Co-Sleeping:

http://www.askdrsears.com/topics/sleep-problems/faqs-about-sleep-problems/safe-co-sleeping-research

Baby wearing:

http://www.askdrsears.com/topics/fussy-baby/baby-wearing/benefits-babywearing

Attachment Parenting:

http://www.askdrsears.com/topics/attachment-parenting/what-ap-7-baby-bs

What attachment parenting is NOT:

http://www.askdrsears.com/topics/attachment-parenting/what-ap-not

(This is a very important read for those new to AP and those who have heard of it but still have conerns)